It’s all in the container

Again and again, in our work with leaders at all levels, we see the crucial importance of what we call “containers” – groups of people, maybe only two, but reaching up to perhaps ten or twelve, who hold and support each other: circles where each member is seen and heard, is respected, and is free and welcome to speak their truth and to do their work.

Whatever materials, ideas or resources we try to share with developing leaders, their breakthroughs and insights always depend much more heavily on the quality of the container that we create for them, or more accurately, that we co-create together, than on the content we are discussing.

When they leave our workshops or facilitated sessions, the people we work with go back to their organisations: there they have the opportunity to create great containers of their own. Indeed, that’s where the juice is – creating vibrant, trusting containers at all levels of organisations, so that every member is fully invited to Show Up, be themselves, take risks, be vulnerable, and create their best work.

We’re running an online digital gathering on 13 April to explore these ideas. You can join from the comfort of your home or office anywhere in the world. The format is based on Open Space, so you can both learn and share your own experience and insights.

Please be invited to join us on 13 April.

Trust and Safety: Temenos Online Open Space

All our leadership offering revolve around building great containers. Please bring your own challenges and your own special magic and explore the possibilities with us.  There are many options available and described here on our website.  One way to start the conversation could be to dip in to our latest book.

Leading with Intention

We look forward to meeting you in a container we create together very soon.

This post is published in parallel on LinkedIn at https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/its-all-container-scott-downs/

 

Letter to a tormented Achiever

Dear Jo

It was great to meet you at the conference last week.  Our conversation then and your email a few minutes ago strike deep chords with me.  I understand how tough and painful it is for you right now.

Like you, I was raised in an Achieverist culture.  We grew up believing that we ought to be smart, be strong, and deliver. Our self-esteem was based on being “knowers”, on being able to define great strategies and execute them over time. We were supposed to set the direction and give the orders. Success came from setting aggressive goals and holding people accountable. The market demanded this kind of behaviour and performance. It seemed to be working, didn’t it, at least for the successful ones?

But, just as you say, the model eventually showed its cracks. I hear you about feeling burned out from trying to make everything work. I hear you about feeling alienated from your peers and your direct reports. I experienced many similar moments during 20 years in banking and another nine years in corporate consulting.

You’ve clearly achieved a lot, and I admire the series of savvy job moves you’ve made to get to your senior role in your company.  And I also hear you when you say it’s come to feel empty and super-stressful. At your level, your C-suite colleagues, your investors and, indeed your people, demand performance.  And I know from experience what a toll the demand for performance can take on our psychological and physical health and on our personal lives.

I want you to know I am completely with you when you sense that there must be a better way. I’m convinced there is, as you heard me say.

One piece of good news is that it’s very possible to distil common guiding principles from the best of the emerging leadership thinking – to find a way quite quickly to a more satisfying, creative and sustainable way of leading.  It’s not so much about picking and choosing between theories, but of seeing a bit deeper into the core.  

I truly believe, based on my experience, that it’s possible to lead in a way that

  • Allows you to bring your wisdom and experience skillfully to bear, without having to know all the answers. You can bring all your considerable gifts, and still be honest and open, even vulnerable and uncertain at times
  • Allows your people, especially in teams, to shine and to bring their best to their jobs, in all their diversity.
  • Allows you all to get great results together in terms of concrete personal and organisational performance
  • Allows your teams to generate loads of new ideas and innovations – they don’t all have to come from you!
  • Allows you and those around you to have fun and to live balanced, sustainable, rewarding lives.

I think we agree that a world like that sounds much better than the one you and I have created for ourselves in the past.

I can also tell you with confidence that it’s not that hard to get started toward leading in this more inspired way. I’m not saying the whole journey is easy – it will take some courage progressively to show a new face to the world and to ourselves …. and … all the steps forward are manageable. Help and support is available all along the way.    

To give you a taste of what could be ahead, when we meet next week I’ll invite you to start asking yourself, who are you as a leader? What are your fundamental qualities and values?  What influences have shaped you as the person you are today?  It doesn’t take long to open these questions for yourself and to notice the first few inspiring results – for example by starting to keep your own personal leadership journal. Beginning to capture your own insights can add energy to your work every day. I’m happy to help you begin this, and to introduce you to others who are doing the same kind of work — and who can share their stories.

Then, in a connected way, I’ll suggest asking yourself what you really want as a person and as a leader. Leaving aside what you think is expected of you by others, what do you really want to accomplish, when you are truly honest with yourself – yes in terms of outputs and outcomes but also in terms of the kind of legacy you want to  leave. I and others can provide plenty of support and encouragement, and introductions to communities of other travellers on this path.

Next, I’ll invite you to ask what kind of relationships you want to have with the most important people around you, personally and professionally. For example, with the members of your own top team, your mentees, and key players in your organisation – as well as your family and friends.  Is your leadership team a real team?  Do you truly trust each other?  Do you show up in an authentic way, bringing your honest views and your best ideas into the leadership dialogue?   

I think we’ll agree that these are fundamental questions … and also that they are often ignored in the Achieverist worlds we’ve created for ourselves. Because the questions can be personal and sensitive, it takes some trust and the creation of a sort of safe haven in which to explore them.  Once again, I can assure you that those “safe spaces” are readily created – we’re doing this every day within a growing community of leaders. I’d be delighted to help you join in and find your own right space.

You might be surprised at how quickly working with these questions can lead to discovering new, very practical ways to nurture faster, more innovative, more holistic growth in your organisation and for yourself – tapping the best insights and energies of all your people – without burning you out, without forcing you to have all the answers, or to give all the orders.

Fostering this new way of working for leaders is a passion for my colleagues and myself.  In our next conversation, I’ll share more with you about how these new patterns emerged for us and for people we’ve worked with. To be sure, it isn’t (yet) the average way of working, but the signs of this wave of change are clearly visible – and it’s so much healthier for everyone.

I’m looking forward to our lunch next week. I’m excited to see what your new future could look like – and to join with you in making it happen – if you decide to invite me along.

All my best until then

Scott

The simple power of checking in

Our workshop participants tell us that one of our most impactful practices is the simple one of checking in. For those not familiar, it consists of inviting everyone in a group, often sitting or standing in a circle, to check in, saying how they are as they come into a meeting and what they want from the session.

A few things are powerful about this practice. Without pressure, it invites people to disclose a small piece – as much or as little as is (reasonably) comfortable – about themselves and their intentions. The physical arrangement is a circle – at least a rough one – where everyone can see everyone else.  Spatially, everyone is equal, despite people coming with different levels of responsibility, seniority, experience and organisational power. All voices are heard in turn, on an equal footing, without interruption. Anyone may pass if they so choose.

A check-in can be held in response to a particular question, which could be simply “How are you as you enter this meeting? What do you hope for in our session?” If a group is new to one another, the check-in can start with people sharing their names and a brief self-introduction. Each person’s check-in can end with “I’m in” and the group may respond with a common acknowledgement, like “You’re welcome.”

People’s first participation in check-ins may feel strange; they may be accustomed to conventional meetings with conventional seating that launch immediately into an agenda. To ease the transition, facilitators and those familiar with the practice can model contributions. At first, people may only check in with fairly factual or polite observations about the kind of day they’re having and their expectations for the agenda. Whatever they freely offer is fully acceptable. A key check-in principle is to make everyone welcome in whatever way they choose to enter.   

We consistently find that once it is clear that everyone’s contribution is indeed welcome, people start to share more of their feelings and their genuine hopes. Each person speaks with their own voice … and … the sequence of responses allows people to be encouraged by and build on the contributions of others. The flow of shared comments tends, in a gentle, unpressured way, to build a deepening pattern of self-revelation, of “showing up”. In the subtlest and softest way, the practice starts to build a trusting container, and the foundation laid can be built upon for deeper dialogue and deeper exchange on many levels.

For more ideas and insights on check-in practices, and about equal voicing in talking circles, please be invited to explore:

The Core Protocols, by Jim and Michele McCarthy https://liveingreatness.com/core-protocols/

Time to Think, by Nancy Kline  Time to Think, Amazon UK

Talking Circles, First Nations Pedagogy Online http://firstnationspedagogy.ca/circletalks.html

Fun Retrospectives: Check-in http://www.funretrospectives.com/category/check-in/

What is special about this work?

It’s been my privilege to be involved in TrustTemenos leadership work for more than two years now. The work has touched me deeply; I am ever more certain that I want to be ever more actively engaged with it and to help share it with ever more people in the world. I have seen it touch many lives already. I am struck with how consistently people seem inspired by the work and pulled powerfully toward greater engagement.

I’ve been asking myself why this is. What is special about this work?

My answer for today is this: the work’s special quality is the weave of these elements

  • We Invite everyone in the system – especially emergent leaders – to truly connect on a deep level with who they are and what they want – and to help others to do the same
  • We invite people to show up – to bring that sense of who we are and what we want to life in the world – with a blend of boldness and humility
  • We create strong, beautiful containers – we call them Temenos – small, intimate groups where the core of that personal work can happen – with a beautiful mix of trust, safety, support and challenge
  • We call forward – and creatively and elegantly design and work within – the broader set of relationships and contexts in which this work can happen
  • We offer but do not impose a wealth of elegant frameworks, tools and stances for nurturing growth
    • Awareness – including an appreciation of different levels of awareness
    • Attention – including deep listening, seeing, hearing, empathy
    • Intention
    • Ways of being – stances, states of mind
    • Self-expression – creative, generous, loving
    • Transformation – roadmaps
  • We truly care about people – welcoming, caring for and nurturing them and inviting them to care for themselves and others as they bring their magic to life in the world.
  • We – I say we – Olaf and Christine are especially good at this one – have the gentle, loving, believable, inspiring, infectious confidence that all this change and growth can happen for each of us – and in exactly the way that’s needed.

This community is growing rapidly – and internationally. Olaf and Christine have in recent months led programs in the UK, France, Germany, Ukraine, Serbia and Egypt. Our partners in Temenos work are very active in the US and in India. Our participants come from all over Europe, North America, the Middle East and Asia.

If this way of bringing leadership to life calls to you, too, we’d love for you to join us.

In particular, please be invited to join us for Certified Agile Leadership 1, January 18-19 2018 in London, a two-day exploration your own leadership journey, with certification from the Scrum Alliance

and/or …

join the TrustTemenos Leadership Academy – Generation 3, our ten-month leadership deep dive, beginning January 25-27 2018 in Germany

and/or …

write to us at info@trusttemenos.com (or me personally, see below) with your own stories, inquiries, celebrations, needs….

Very best energies for your own amazing, special leadership journey!

Scott

scott@trusttemenos.com

 

 

You are Welcome

You are Welcome

“You are Welcome” as an expression of invitation has been part of our deliberate practice for a while, and we’ve been thinking a lot about the difference it makes. What’s special about it?

 

Thank you!” When we hear a passionate expression of gratitude, we reply, “you are welcome!” with a similar amount of passion. We appreciate gratitude with an invitation. We don’t believe that’s wrong 🙂

“I want you to know how important your welcome is to my sense of safety. I know whatever I bring is welcome. I have a high degree of confidence that I will not be attacked, rejected or belittled. That you are likely to see even more of my gold than I see. That you will hold a safe and confidential space for my mistakes, my weakness, my anger, sadness, fear and shame as well my authentic joy. That is an immeasurable gift. That is safety!”

– Scott Downs

U

Loving Kindness

Compassion

Joy

1

Inclusion

We rarely dare to fully show up in our world. Often, we want to meet expectations, don’t feel worthy to fully disclose ourselves, or we simply do what everybody does and we’ve always done: We fit in. We can shift that with a fully whole-hearted welcome.

You are OK

Our welcome is unconditional. We are all humans and connected. You’re part of the group, no matter what you did or how you feel. This is our invitation. You are welcome. You are welcome to forgive yourself, as we are ready to do it for you and for us as well. 

“Come, come whoever you are, …even if you have broken your vows 10.000 times, …come again”

– Rumi

 

In the course of our lives, we all have felt excluded from a group and suffered in fear of losing connection, relationships and security. These fears prevent us still from connecting to the now and building relationships of trust. If we want to make a change and build spaces of trust in our lives and organisations, it is upon us to start.

Our welcome is an invitation for empathy for us and for others. We can choose whether we want to follow it. We are free to decide, how aware we would like to become about our repressed feelings. If so, they can show up and we can stay with them. Allowing them to be there, allows us to be fully present and authentic. Letting them go frees us, refreshes us and give us back the energy which had been blocked. We can start anew, opening up to the next person to say unconditionally “You are welcome”.

 

 

Love and Magic happens when we meet

This space of compassion invites loving ourselves anew. Children are authentic, emotional and empathetic to all creatures. But already early in our childhood we learned that loves comes with conditions. “If you are brave than your Mummy will love you and read a story for you in the evening”. We got to know a lot of expectations and are still trying to meet them. We learned to survive by being seen, acknowledged by our family and the outer world.  In consequence we were ready to surpress feelings and splinter parts of ourselves to fit in. We do now the same to others by throwing expectations and judgements on them which we think is normal.

Magic comes in, through loving ourselves and others, accepting what is. If we manage, than a big burden is tumbling down, freeing us to feel, to connect and getting back into the flow of life.
We are able to feel love, joy and ease again.

 “God did not ask us to like our neighbours. He just asked us to love them.”

–  Martin Luther King

We don’t need to like how you’re showing up today. We welcome you, again and again. If you don’t feel you’re ok, we will accept it, as a choice. We will hold that possibility of a space of feeling ok, as long as you want it. 

May I be well, may I be happy, may I be free from suffering. May you be well, may you be happy, may you be free from suffering. May we be well, may we be happy, may we be free from suffering.  – Buddha

A good every day practice is the loving kindness meditation practice where we learn to have empathy with ourselves, our loved ones and the ones which we have difficulties with. We will feel more human and connected to others if we practice it regularly. 

Life is encountering humans

“You are welcome!” sings the demi-god as he encounters Moana in the Disney movie of the same name.

 

 

We believe, that encounters are the main thing. The magic of encounter is what is being human. We are curious, open and fully present to what we encounter. We are looking forward to what’s emerging – what happens next? We are not sure what’s going to happen, we aim not to have any plan for the relationship, no goal, there’s room for surprise and magic.

Like everyone we might put people into boxes, but they are creative, loving boxes with interesting colours and patterns, and they are easy to get out of. Even when we have a judgement, we hold that lightly, we set that opinion aside and are curious for the human being that’s showing up.

 

So what makes our welcome special?

we are ready to be surprised. we see humans as they are … we make ourselves vulnerable and are ready for the other to let go of their masks and space suits. We are ready to greet the wonderful being that hides behind the apps and extensions …

we allow connection with yourself to happen..

we are social beings. We want to be in contact. Our space allows empathy, thankfulness, expressing of all emotions to show up and hold a space of trust to invite connection and healing.

Love and Magic will happen if we are ready to take what is offered. If we can give and receive. If we can accept and stay with our resistance. Humans are strong and weak, intellectual and emotional.. it is not about one or the other, it is about one as well as the other.

we are holding diversity, different approaches and perspectives allowing them to co-exist in order to invite creativity and surprisability…

we aim to be aware, to speak up when we notice something. we address it now, so that it doesn’t bother us later on.

we are aware – we are in different worlds, we will never fully understand each other. we can discover similarities, resonance, that ease our communication. We are always ready to start with a beginner’s mind and to forgive..

we are part of a bigger whole
we are all human. We share the same emotions, the same humanity, the basic need to belong. We are one. Feeling welcome no matter what, is a key to be able to connect with yourself and others.

You are Welcome! Let’s meet in life!

CAL1 Learnings

We delivered our first CAL1 (Certified Agile Leadership by the Scrum Alliance) this week in Kiev. We went in with an open mind and the clear intent to uncover what makes our approach special and unique. This is what we learned. Building on what we had learned after the first day…

Our Learning - Done

Our Learning – Done

What do participants say?

  • Most content is co-created. That creates a strong sense of collaboration with the leaders of the course, opportunities for everyone to lead and lets us experience the choice we have to lead of follow consciously in every moment.
  • The course is great for anyone who needs to communicate and wants to increase the effectiveness of their communication.
  • “We turned the sheep around. You may be a wolf, but you can choose to be a sheep. And you may be aware that a wolf could be chasing the sheep.”
  • I was surprised how quickly trust was created and grown in the group. And I want to try these Temenos methods of story-telling and trust-building with my colleagues.
Knowledge Market Map

Knowledge Market Map

Assumptions and Intentions we Started With

  • There is greatness in every human beings leadership stance that anyone else on the course can benefit from. We want to create space for this greatness to become visible and explicit.
  • The main purpose of CAL1 is to start people on a journey of self-discovery and self-improvement. Participants are responsible for where they are starting from and where they want to go next.
  • “Agile Leadership” means: know why you do what you do, and be sufficiently aware of how you’re doing it to be able to deliberately improve it. And: everything depends on context awareness and intention. We will refrain from advising or recommending specific leadership practices.
  • Leading and following, teaching and learning, speaking and listening, conflict and harmony, are all intricate, nuanced dances in the moment. We will lead by example in focusing attention on these subtle choices, highlighting everyone’s successes, so that we can all learn from them.

Letter to your Former Self

At the end, we all wrote a postcard to our former, three days ago selves, giving advice for getting the most out of the workshop. These are some examples:

  • Free up time to accumulate energy and attention – don’t plan anything – do all homework.
  • You are ready. Enjoy! Wiser Maiia. PS It doesn’t matter how you like your skirt. Wear pants.
Ahas

Ahas